November 11, 2017

The gifts of a break up or divorce

I have always admired my parents marriage, they were married for 53 years and together for 56. Right up until my dads death their relationship was strong and healthy. They had great mutual respect, were always affectionate and they stood by each other through all the adversity they had experienced over their time together, had a wonderful fun social life and lived their lives to the full. I knew I wanted a marriage like that.

2 marriages in every 1000 people will end in divorce and the average marriage lasts 12 years.1

I don't know what the are stats for couple who co habit and breakup but from what I have found from my peers and as I age into my 40s I am seeing many relationships end.

I asked a group of face book friends who had experienced a long term break up or divorce what advice would you give to someone going through a break up now.

Here is the best 10 wisest and comforting advice for those experiencing this difficult circumstance right now.

1. Breathe.......slowly and try meditation to reduce stress levels and try to do some exercise every day, even if its just going for a walk.

2. Your marriage or relationship didn't fail it concluded.

3. seek professional help, counselling with a relationship specialist or phycologist can help you process this time in a very healing way.

4. Have an image in your mind of how you would like your life to look and make it happen.

5. Cry all you need and keep eating even if you don't feel like it or want to.

6. If children are involved don't say negative things about the other parent but also don't let yourself be bullied by that person either.

7. Find the goodness in every moment and trust that being kind is the easiest way to deal with heartache, anger and pain. It takes the least emotional energy and everybody will feed off your energy.

8. You are stronger than you know and despite this tough time there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

9. If you have kids remind yourself daily of the example you want to be for them in a relationship.

10. Make sure your finances are in order and seek professional advice if you need to.

When it comes to gifting someone going through a divorce or break up we have sold a lot of pampering care packages for both women and men. Self help books are great and often have a lot of practical tips and advice from someone who has been through it. Comfort food and a little alcohol has also been popular but more importantly what your loved one needs when they are going through this stressful time is you to be there for them with a listening ear and lots of hugs.